


Retrospect

by curiouscat99



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: M/M, Other, angsty fic after MSI 2018, fakenut, fakenut implied, faker x peanut, kingzone dragon x
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:07:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiouscat99/pseuds/curiouscat99
Summary: “Is this how you felt back then? Sanghyeok-hyung?”Wangho tried - but failed to suppress his emotions. Silence loomed from the other line. He never got an answer but he knows better.Setting: After MSI 2018 finals.





	Retrospect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Fic inspired by Andrea (evergIow)'s post on twitter. I made this for my kingzone and fakenut stan mutuals on twitter.

The moment the crowds roared in pure exhilaration, Wangho and the rest of his team were silent. His cold hands reached for the headphones atop his head and carefully placed it beside his keyboard. He wiped his dyed hair and sighed.

 

_ They lost. _

 

Confettis erupted from above bringing a colorful scene amidst the energetic audience, chanting the name of their prodigious opponent. He glanced on his right where Dongha was seated and then on Boseong on his left. Regret was obvious on both of their downcasted faces, and for some reason he couldn’t grasp at the moment, Wangho felt guilty.

 

As he saw the RNG players approaching, Wangho and the rest of Kingzone Dragon X stood up and shake their hands. He was both confused and surprised on the moment _Uzi_ hugged him but he hugged back afterwards. The huge grin on the ADC’s face was something he envisioned to give to his teammates.

 

But he failed. 

 

They marched exiting the stage, Wangho couldn’t even look at his Byeomhyun-hyung and Jongin-hyung’s eyes directly.

 

“Wangho-ya,” Byeomhyun clung to him, already knowing what’s on his mind. They’re friends for three years and he knows better than anyone else how Byeomhyun was able to read him like an open book.  Wangho faked a smile but was still avoiding his eyes. Jongin shuffled his hair followed by a sigh.

 

“Phew, I’m hungry!”

 

“Me too!” Answered by Boseong who was quick to read the situation. Dongha started to crack a joke as they enter their quarters, but deep inside, Wangho knows that the toplaner was only desperately trying to lift up their moods. It was hard but that was it. Winning and losing were two sides of the same coin. When there’s a winner, there’s a loser, and it just happened that tonight, they were the latter.

 

* * *

 

 

When he got inside, Woochan was already there as the two junglers were partnered to share a room. Woochan said a lot reassurance and even asked to come with him to shop tomorrow. The sub jungler had been always so nice but his babblings fell on deaf ears as Wangho’s mind was still floating in some unknown dimension. He couldn’t comprehend what was happening to him. Sure, losing was hard, but it wasn’t the first time he had lost a match, right? And with that, being a pro gamer that was able to play in worlds twice, he should be more able to grasp what does losing means and how to cope up with it. 

 

Woochan decided to take a shower and so Wangho was left alone with his confusion. He was plainly starting at the painting on the wall and no, it wasn’t because the piece of art mesmerized him or some sorts - not that. His mind was blank and he felt empty.

 

Emptiness that slowly turned into sadness and regret  came after. The solitary room with only the sound coming from the shower became nonexistent and it didn’t help him to understand himself. Wangho felt like his chest was lacking air. He recently had a sore throat but he was sure that it wasn’t because of that. He threw his back against the soft bed trying to shake the detestable memory of their game. His eyes were boring the ceiling above as if there was something magnificent carved in it. 

 

After a few moments, he pulled out his phone from his pocket and turned on the wifi, thinking that maybe if he entertain himself, listen to the music or surf the internet except checking SNS or contacting **_him_ ** , for he doesn’t think he’s ready to talk with someone at the moment, he would be able to comprehend what was happening to him. Just this time, he wanted to distract himself and feel a bit better.

 

Not until a barrage of notification appeared on his phone screen.   
  


_ Lee Sang Hyeok: Wanghoya? _

_ Lee Sang Hyeok: Call me once you got this _

_ Lee Sang Hyeok: Are you there? _

 

Suddenly, all his confusion vanished into thin air. A lump formed in his throat and once again, he was unable breathe properly. Wangho adjusted himself on the bed as he stared on his phone and before he realized it, tears started to clog his vision.

 

He immediately wiped it in fear of Woochan seeing him crying. Oh, the embarrassment and shame. He cried in front of his friends before but all of them were older than him and for Wangho, to be seen by someone younger than him crying would make him feel more of a  loser. Especially now that he was literally a loser.

 

Gripping his phone tightly as he re-read the message, Wangho finally understood.

 

It was not the first time he lost, but it was the first time he wanted to win for someone else’s sake. Jongin wanted to see him with his Kingzone jacket, holding the trophy, standing side by side with them as the champions. To make matters worse, Byeomhyun was already thinking of retiring. These two were his most precious hyungs and Wangho thought that it might be his chance to help them achieve their first international title. A chance that turned into dust on that very day. Living together with Dongha, Boseong and Woochan convinced him that they were deserving to win a title that he himself achieved last year, with the help of SKT. As the former MSI champion and an MVP, Wangho wanted them to experience the happiness he had felt during those times. 

 

But he failed.

 

With his mind still blurry, he stopped caring for the tears to roll down his cheeks. Wangho dialed a name and lifted up his phone to his ear.

 

He can hear the other SKT members’ voices, chattering and some were laughing, he assumed  that they were playing at the moment and Sanghyeok, of course, excused himself for a while just so he can talk to him.

 

“Sanghyeok-hyung,” He said with a raspy voice due to sore throat and added by the fact that he was holding his tears to burst like a magma and bawl like a child. 

 

“Are you crying?” Sanghyeok asked hurried tone. The sound in the background was slowly fading  ,he could hear footsteps followed by an opening and closing of a door. Sanghyeok was most likely inside his room as well.

 

“Hey, Wanghoya, listen to me--” the SKT midlaner said trying to hide a panic deep within his usually calm persona, but he was cut off as Wangho asked;

 

“Is this how you felt back then? Sanghyeok hyung?”

 

Wangho tried, but failed to suppress his emotions. Silence loomed from the other line. He never got an answer but he knows better _.  _

 

He can still  remember the day Sanghyeok and him talked how he dreamed to hold the summoner’s cup. Sanghyeok from that moment made a promise, but the rest was history because altogether they have failed to take it. A promise that resulted on “Faker” breaking down in tears after the world championship and the tears that forced Wangho to pave his own road into becoming what he’s dreaming of - to be like Sanghyeok. 

 

All he could hear was Wangho’s muffled sobs. It pained him greatly that they were a thousand miles away from each other right now and he couldn’t do anything other than to listen as he wept. 

 

Back then, it was Wangho who listened as he cried and the younger one could only do what he was doing now.

 

Sanghyeok clenched his jaw tight with the same question plaguing his mind.

 

_ “Is this how you felt back then, Wangho-ya?” _


End file.
